


Losing Myself

by Angelicallyinsane699



Category: Hetalia: Axis Powers
Genre: 2P Hetalia, M/M, No idea what to do with this, Short, might continue
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-07-03
Updated: 2018-07-23
Packaged: 2019-06-04 20:23:59
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 3
Words: 6,669
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15154949
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Angelicallyinsane699/pseuds/Angelicallyinsane699
Summary: Italy is losing his mind. Italy is going insane. Italy is seeing things. Italy is hearing things. Italy is talking to himself. Italy is Italy is Italy is. Italy has heard all of it so far, since his slow decent into what was known as "madness." But there's a reason behind it! He just knows it but no one believes him. Not even Germany. What if a new Italy emerges? One that is pure madness?





	1. Chapter One

**Author's Note:**

> I think I wrote this around the time I found out about the 2P versions of Hetalia so this might be a little rough. I posted this on my Fanfiction account but not a lot of people seemed to terribly interested in this even if it did get three comments and sixty six views on that account, there was a valid point pointed out. I know there's a lot of Canon marriages, that in reality some countries really don't get along, but one of my ships is GerIta so it's kinda unavoidable haha! But as for Italy just going crazy, well as much as I'd look into it Romano's 2P version, Flavio, well he doesn't seem as violent. Though it says Flavio can be aggressive I don't think it'd be much different if he took over Romano (Even though Flavio is metrosexual and so very flamboyant so it'd be completely different as he is like Italy and cheerful etc etc it wouldn't really be too terribly interesting to read) 
> 
> So because I mostly think Luciano Vargas is more violent, more unpredictable, it will be just Italy experiencing the "possessing" for this story, if I decide to continue!
> 
> Edit: This is also so so so short....ugh. I'll be sure to write longer chapters, if I get hit with that inspiration!

It was a Monday that Italy felt-no sensed something was wrong. For once he parted his lashes, amber eyes fogged with sleep even as unease gripped Italy's mind and body tight with a hot-cold vise grip. His heart was pounding against his chest sickeningly hard that made his stomach tense and squirm, his eyes widening to fully open, his pupils shrinking in the morning light, faint as it was, but he found he was throwing the blanket off and running to the bathroom with his lover, Germany, groaning at the movement.

Italy ran out of the bedroom, down the hall to Germany's bathroom and locked himself within it. He felt wrong wrong wrong. It was like his body was so hot but it was so so cold. He felt like he was going to throw up and he felt tears welling in his eyes. What was going on? Was he sick? He tried to take deep breathes as this emotion coiled and snaked over and over until his legs, along with his hands, trembled softly. He was about to scream for Germany, cause, well, Germany could help! He gasped and gasped, the air bubbles rasping his dry throat even as his skin grew clammy and he felt his stomach twisting.

"I'm okay..." Italy whispered as he leaned against the door, shaking like a leaf in the wind. He was okay!

He turned to relieve the weight of his bladder, walking in front of the mirror when he felt the nausea kick up immensely along with the trickle of dread slipping into his veins. He shook his head hard as he focused on relieving his bladder did his business and when he adjusted his pants he hesitated before looking in the mirror. He stepped in front of the sink, turning the water on and the sound was comforting; so comforting that he found himself washing his hands being the most calming thing in the world and soothed him slightly.

That is until he heard a soft tapping. He blinked as he looked around then at the door with a tilt to his head, his curl bobbing softly. It was quiet when there was another round of soft tapping. Then he dried his hands, turning his back to the mirror to grab the towel when he froze with his back to the mirror, hands still outstretched for the towel. He grabbed it, not feeling the fluffy texture of it soaking up the water on his hands before he placed it down and turned to the mirror. And screamed.

It was this scream that tore Germany from his sleep and had him kicking, yanking, the blankets from his legs and bolting out of the room to the door wasn't locked so Germany easily threw open the bathroom door and looked in only to feel his eyes widen as he took in the scene before him. Italy was scrunched up in a tight ball in the corner of the bathroom, tears gathering along the waterline of his wide eyes, the amber glittering like gold as his pupils were blown up with fear, his light skin was near white as a sheet and his breathes were mere rasps of air in the room.

"Italy! Vhat's vrong?" Germany shouted as he walked over, dropping in front of Italy who looked at Germany and the German jerked hard. He'd never, not once, seen a fear as raw or a primal as the one on Italy's face and in his eyes.

"G-G-Germany...Somethings wr-wrong..." Italy whimpered as he shook like a leaf, his head bowing as his hands reached up gripping his hair tightly as those tears that'd welled dripped down his cheeks. "I feel...I feel wrong, Ge-Germany..."

"Vhat do you mean?" Germany asked he looked at the shaking Italian, his worry cranking up volumes as he stared at his lover. Italy just whimpered and gripped his hair tighter and buried his face into his knees, shaking still. It took some minutes before Italy could even get the words out or push them out, granting minutes Germany wanted to honestly shake the words out of the shaking Italian.

"I feel wrong li-like there's something wrong with my body," Italy whispered as he lifted his face far enough from his knees to be audible, his eyes so wide it looked like it honestly hurt. "I looked in-in the mirror and Germany..." Italy raised his head, that raw primal fear striking Germany like it'd reached out and choked him, making it hard to pull in a breath. " _It wasn't me_."

Germany felt confused at the Italian's words. "Vhat do you mean it vasn't you?" Germany questioned when Italy hissed out a sharp 'shh!' making Germany blink as Italy reached out grabbing Germany's wrists tight, shaking still.

"Don't talk so _loud!_ " Italy hissed but it sounded almost high pitched. The only way Germany could compare it too would be the pitch of a child's hyper giggle. High and tight."He can _hear_ you, you know!"

"Italy...Sveetheart, liebling, no vun but you is in that mirror. Come, I'll show you." Germany softly but slowly spoke to Italy who shook his head so fast tears went flying in the air and he then shrieked when Germany pulled him up and gently moved him in front of the mirror. Italy's hands slapped up to his face tightly, like they were super glued there, Germany's hands hard and tight on his shoulders. "Sveetheart, look."

"NO!" Italy shrieked as he then sobbed out makign Germany's heart clench. What could Italy had seen that made him freak out so badly?

"Italy..."

"No! No!"

"Italy, sveetheart, look! No vun but you und me are in the mirror!" Germany softly coaxed as he shook Italy's shoulders softly. He watched Italy sniffle hard before slowly spreading his fingers to peak through his fingers and jerked hard. Large, watery familiar amber eyes were looking back at him in the mirror. A shaking figure that was reflect back against the solid wall chest of his lover, blue eyes seeking his out in the mirror worriedly.

"He's...He's not...there?" He gasped like his throat was raw and he'd been gulping water which had cut off his air supply and he'd just now gotten a lungful of air.

Germany looked at Italy blankly before concern covered his features like a mask and his eyes echoed the emotion. "Who are you talking about, sveetheart? Do you need more sleep? Maybe, because it's Monday, you were just seeing things und-"

"No!" Italy shouted as he moved his hands up through his hair, his curl crunched tight with his distress as his wide amber eyes locked and sought out his own. "No, it wasn't me seeing things! It was someone else! It wasn't me, Germany!"

This time Germany's hesitation came much longer and quieter before he spoke. "Come vith me, sveetheart. I think you should rest a little more."

"You're not listening!" Italy hissed seeming angry for once, so unlike the happy go lucky Italy, but a more violet version of him. "Stop making me feel crazy! It was real, Germany! It was someone else in the mirror!"

"Italy, it's time for you to go und lay down. Please. You vill fee better if you do und if you see this other person in the mirror again maybe ve should consult someone." Germany replied authoritative making Italy bristle as he hissed out a breath, his jaw clenched so tight his teeth ached. He wasn't listening!

"Fine! I'll go take another fucking nap!" Italy hissed again as he shoved pass Germany, concerned on where the sudden anger came from. His eyes were still open, the amber hard like gold, glittering with anger. He walked down the hall fast, his legs taking long strides and he walked into the bedroom, slamming the door shut and closing his eyes again, sliding into bed and shoving his face into the pillows. He'd seen something! He had!

When he'd gone in the mirror he swore, swore on his life, swore on everything he valued as a Nation, that he'd seen another person in that mirror. It'd looked like him, sure, but was so dark and seemed to have this...well, not visible but this just dark black aura that smudged his body and face. Except for that shark like grin that'd been flashed at him with the words that'd floated across his mind. They still sent shivers down his spine. The horror of watching those glinting teeth parting for him to speak was still fresh along with those ten words:

_We'll be getting to know each other, very soon, Italy._


	2. Chapter Two

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I won't lie, I haven't written in the past couple of days because I've bee struck with allergies which sucks but I'm going to write more when I'm not all sleepy!

"Oi, idiot." Italy rolled over in the bed, the one he'd been laying in for hours now since this morning sleeping on and off when his mind along with his body allowed him to do so. He looked up then, his amber eyes meeting his elder brother's hard demanding hazel ones that looked down at him only for a brow to raise up. "You look like shit. The Potato Eater told me what happened this morning. What did you see in the mirror, Veneziano."  
  
"Germany doesn't believe me." Italy whimpered in response reaching out hugging Romano's waist and burying his face into his stomach closing his eyes tightly. "But Fratello there was another  _me_ in the mirror. I promise! There was another me, Fratello! I still remember what he said and he tapped the mirror and everything! He looks like me but he isn't me, Fratello. He's...scary. Darker."  
  
Romano stared down at the top of his brother's head curiously, then sighed lifting a hand up stroking Italy's brown locks of hair softly and gently. "And you're sure you got enough sleep?" Italy nodded, his face still firmly pressed into Romano's flat stomach and the elder Italian sighed continuing to stroke his hair. "Alright. I'll talk to Spain and some others, see what they say. See if they've also experienced somethin' like it. Okay?"  
  
Italy looked up with wide eyes that glittered with tears that clung to his lashes, his lower lip trembling like a child's. "You will?" He asked in a gasp as he stared upwards at his elder brother and hugged him tighter. "Grazie, Fratello! Grazie! I knew you'd believe me!"  
  
"Si si, now let go." Romano sighed patting Italy's head firm but affectionately before Italy let go and he then looked up at Romano who planted his hands on his hips. "Come on, crawl out of bed now. No more whining and moping, you got me who believes you. Also, don't be a little idiot and bitch to cross paths with a mirror. Come on, come with me."  
  
Italy stared at the hand that stretched out in surprise, his amber irises wide when he looked up much like a child, just like when he'd been crying. He then stared the hand and took it allowing himself to be yanked out of bed, across the room, the door behind shoved open and Romano marching down the hall. Italy whimpered when he noticed the bathrooms door, wincing when it was slammed open, and Italy was yanked in front of it just as he had been before with Germany.

But where Germany had been worried and condescending Romano was firm and he squeezed Italy's shoulders, yanking his hand from his brother's to do so and Italy stared at his own reflection with some fear that at any moment his reflection would reveal someone who was him but wasn't. And he waited. Waited. Waited. And waited.

Minutes ticked by, maybe five minutes which morphed into ten, and Italy had to squeeze his brother's shirt, reaching behind him to do so and stared when nothing happened. Beautiful, blissful nothing. Italy could have sobbed when nothing happened, squeezing his brother's shirt in his fingers tightly and he smiled happily.

"Nothing!" He breathed turning to face Romano, his amber eyes bright now like gold, Romano's cheeks flushing lightly at the sight and he patted the younger's shoulder lightly. "Oh, Fratello there's nothing there!" He felt tears quickly, rapidly, gushing down his cheeks when he hugged Romano tightly. Since this morning, when he'd woken up and napping, he'd feared going near his mirror and looking at himself but being with his brother proved nothing to be there! How amazing!

"See? Nothing. You're not going crazy, Veni. Not any time soon and not at all- well, I mean you're crazy for screwing Germany despite that whole Adolf Hitler time, but that's the only thing you're crazy for. Even if he's a docile motherfucker, he's still untrustworthy to others. But that only makes you kinda crazy, for being lovers with him." Romano replied patting Italy's back in time with his words, Romano's thoughtful face reflecting back at him when Italy giggled and Romano smiled softly in response watching the smile form on his own lips and he nuzzled Italy for a brief second before the younger Italian could understand and he then pulled away placing his hands on Italy's shoulders. "You'll be fine, Veni. Trust me, you will be. It was probably just some trick of the light, you know? But you are not crazy, I promise."

Italy looked at his elder brother then beamed happily, bouncing on his toes making his curl bounce. "Okay! Now, Fratello, I'm going to nake pasta for lunch, do you wanna stay?"

Romano stared at his brother, blinking a few times at the shift in mood and he met his brothers gaze. He then cracked a smile, a rare feat for Romano. "You nearly had a break down and all you can focus on is lunch, really?" He laughed then, the sound also a rare feat and he then shook his head lightly. "Now I know you're better! Let's go eat some stupid pasta."

* * *

Italy was walking down the long hall holding Germany's arm happily, squeezing gently as his cheeks flushed gently and happily. Germany took a look down at Italy out of the corner of his eye and smiled softly at his lover quite relieved Italy seemed to be back to his generally cheerful self again. He was honestly worried as Italy behaved irrationally earlier thst morning but thanks to the meeting after lunch Italy seemed okay. 

Conversation bubbled around them and soft laughs flowed from the meeting room, soft and welcoming. Italy then stopped making Germany pause as well looking down at his lover confused while Italy looked around just as confused and Germany felt his insides go cold at the sight, the emotion in Italy's eyes as he looked around with a frantic panicked emotion.

"Italy? Are you okay, sveetheart?" Germany asked softly looking at the Italian who looked around a few more moments before seeming to calm and look up at Germany with a cheerful smile in place. 

"I'm okay, Luddy! Let's get to the meeting and get home!" Italy chirped but it sounded...tinny. Forced almost as Germany stared at his lover then started walking again with Italy humming lightly. When they entered the room, sat down next to one another Italy was quiet, not chirping in his cheerful babbling and he stared down at the desk. Like he was in some kind of tired trance.

"Alright, dudes! Is everyone here? Yeah? Good!" America exclaimed loudly and his cheerful laugh followed his words rather quickly. "Now, let's get down to business and talk abou-"

"I swear to god if you bring up that bloody Global Man thing you did back in two thousand nine, will beat you." England snapped on the right of America, crossing his arms as his eyes shot daggers at America who stopped talking. "That's what I thought."

"Awww come on, Britain! I love hearing about his vunderful plan!" Prussia whined then, openly, his arm slung over Austria's shoulders. "I have heard it since two thousand nine! It's a treat! It's twenty eighteen now! Let him say it!"

"No! It's stupid!" England shouted in response all the way Germany,  who normally jump in, stared at Italy. "Oi, Germany tell this idiot to shut up! No one wants to hear it!" 

It was only three, maybe four minutes in, and the fight broke out. Italy was strangely silent, Germany watching him like a hawk taking note of thst strange glaze to his eyes. Germany reached out to touch his lover, gently, when Italy jumped up. His chair clattered back loudly and slammed onto the floor loudly. Then he spoke.

"For fucks sake shut up! God no one fucking cares!" Italy shouted slamming his hands on the table then straightened up. His eyes, normally the sweetest and warmest feature on the Italian which glowed with light were horrible. 

They were hard, flat the amber devoid of any warmth and they held a violence a cornered animal would and there would be no hesitation. He was...cold. Dark. Nothing like Italy's warmth snd his face was blank, emotionless. He then turned with an...almost predatory glide, sleek and deadly like he could turn and slam your face into the table in a fluid movement. Completely unlike the slightly clumsy Italy. Then the absolutely most horrorfying thing happened. Well horrifying to most.

Italy got around his chair and stopped, froze, like someone hit a pause button on him. And his head snapped so hard to the right his shoulder jumped up meeting his head and the action was just so...sudden and so violent it was disturbing. Italy thrn blinked, once. Twice. Then, as if that head jerked wasn't the worst he let out a scream so  brutal, so raw it was like someone getting murdered.

Italy screamed and screamed, Germany almost wished he'd stop and Italy's screams cut off with a gurgle and his body swayed forward slamming with a thud into the floor. And he didn't get back up. 


	3. Chapter Three

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING! WARNING! WARNING! 
> 
> DO NOT READ THIS CHAPTER, OR THE HALF PART, FOR THERE IS SELF HARM AND CUTTING, I PUT THIS UP AS A DISCLAIMER FOR THOSE EASILY TRIGGERED NOT TO READ THE SECOND HALF! PLEASE, I DO NOT WANT ANYONE HURTING THEMSELVES AFTER READING THIS SO DO NOT READ IF YOU ARE DEALING WITH SELF HARM OR ARE IN RECOVERY WITH IT! 
> 
> SO THAT IS THE WARNING! DO NOT READ THE END IF YOU ARE TRIGGERED BY BLEEDING OR SELF HARM! THIS IS A SUPER IMPORTANT WARNING SO PLEASE DON'T IGNORE IT! 
> 
> Carry On. 
> 
> I haven't updated this in so long! A lot of family drama has been going on but now that's it's starting to get all settled I feel I can continue writing and working on this story again!
> 
> P.S - I won't lie, I started this story obsessed with Losing My Mind by Mystery Skulls but now I am writing to Entropy by Awkward Marina (Sim Gretina Remix) and just...sigh. I love these songs I love writing to them I get inspiration!

When Italy woke up he was cucconed under warm blankets and a mattress underneath him curving to fit his body like a glove. He blinked groggily before rubbing his eyes tiredly with the heels of his hands and sat up slowly. His body felt like it was cracking and popping with a stiffness like he'd be running and running, like his body had been pushed to the max and then collapsed. He blinked groggily a few times yawning and climbed out of the bed on rather shaky legs and he stood for a moment.

It was weird. Then his ears picked it up easily enough and Italy began walking forward brisk, almost running, like his body was eager to get it over with while his mind began to blank and fold in on itself. He didn't hear anyone below him, he didn't even hear the clock at the end of the hall ticking. It was like he'd woken up and life itself had stopped itself upon his wakening and all that reacted was that soft, crystal clear tapping of a nail of the smooth mirror surface. 

Italy rushed to the bathroom looking at his reflection which revealed, for the time being, his own amber eyed reflection but when the door clicked shut the mirror rippled gently like he'd dipped a finger in water and ripples spread out. It was like watching a shark surfacing in the water, a dark figure getting closing to the surface until it revealed itself. Italy stared at the male in the mirror smirked at him and thankfully the sharp teeth were there and regular teeth flashed but just as menacing. 

Both appraised, stared at one another. Italy noted, quickly, the differences and similarities. His hair was a much darker brown than Italy's and unlike his amber eyes the reflection had bright magenta colored irises. Like the opposite of Italy. And like Italy used to wear this reflection wore a WW2 Italian Brigade Uniform, the uniform being brown with a black shirt and tie with red tassels coming off of his pants. He wore gloves on his hands and wore shiny patent-leather lace less boots and he had a gold medal on his left breast pocket and an insignia on the left sleeve. And to top it all off on top of his dark hair he wore a Bustina cap with dark feathers. 

He was everything Italy wasn't and yet strangely....awing. Then he spoke. "Hello, Feliciano." The voice sounded like his own but just an octave lower, maybe, or maybe it was the menacing way his words came out in just those two but Italy swallowed nervously as he stared at the reflection. "I see you must be feeling much better by this point. I must apologize for doing what I did but well...you know." He made a noise by hissing the air through his teeth and bunching his shoulders up making Italy's irritation spark lightly. 

"What do you mean? You're making me seem crazy to all my friends and Germany!" Italy shouted throwing his hand to the door as if gesturing to the world outside that still felt like it was being held still, strangely, making his stomach twist slightly. "What are you even doing to me? Who are you, really?" Italy realized, faintly, that he sounded so much like Romano chills went down his spine but he refused to break eye contact with this dark, magenta eyed reflection of his and he refused to back down despite feeling like he wanted too. He wanted Germany to come in, now, and see he wasn't crazy but he couldn't think of calling out to his lover right then as he stared at this dark image that smirked viciously then as he then adjusted his cap and the feathers for a few moments, like he was stalling then seemed to bow at the waist, still grinning. 

"My name is Luciano Vargas and you, Feliciano Vargas, will be getting to know each other very well in the upcoming week or so. I'd say it's been a pleasure but this is...well, I think this'll prove to be rather fun in the end now won't it?" Luciano Vargas spoke gleefully, a wicked light in his eyes making shudders run down Italy's spine when his jaw clenched hard and he was sure his eyes grew angry when his hands slammed onto the sink again and he struggled to get a calm breath. With anger and panic beating at him like wings he couldn't help but grit his teeth before he got the words out, low and menacing. 

"You won't come here. I won't know you. And you are not going to hurt them! Go back where you are and hurt them or some shit! You won't be hurting my family and friends you stupida cagna!" Italy shrieked when Luciano's eyes flicked to the door when Italy's hand struck out slamming into the mirror making glass tinkle into the sink and dig into his sink painfully as cracks splintered up to the edges of the mirror. Luciano cackled, actually cackled, when he saluted Italy with a wide, amused grin and amusement shining in those magenta irises of his as he chuckled with a wide smile. 

"Now you've done it~ See you later, Little Feliciano~" Luciano pulled another bow and was gone like that. The blackness was replaced with the pale white walls of the bathroom and his own wide eyed, frenzied and angry reflecting back at him when he noticed the blood rolling in little droplets against the broken glass and he jumped realizing he must have been grinding his already torn and hurt skin into the glass shards sending them deeper into his flesh and his knuckles throbbed. He pulled his hand away making pieces of glass tumbled into the sink revealing the back of the mirror and his own wide eyes met his own from the broken, fractured mirror when the bathroom door flew open revealing a rather panicked Germany standing here when his jaw dropped. 

"Italy! Holy shit!" America shouted behind Germany making Italy's eyes, if possible, get rounder as he stared at Germany feeling a crawling sensation and looked down to see just thin, barely even rolling, lines of blood near his wrist as he then looked at Germany again. He then felt tears welling in his eyes that rolled down as well when Germany stepped into the bathroom gently grabbing Italy's wrist, the blood smearing against his finger tips and Italy's wrist but he then gave the crying Italian a hug and kiss the top of his head as Italy then burst out sobbing. Italy clung to Germany with his good hand as he sobbed loudly into his shoulder and his tears just wouldn't stop as he trembled with fear, shock settling in from Luciano's appearance but Italy kept his lips tightly shut about that little fact. They'd just think he was crazier if he gave this 'person' a name and he just wanted to scream for someone to believe him for he had a sick feeling that this wouldn't be the last time Italy saw Luciano and he clung just a touch tighter Germany. 

* * *

"I can't find anything wrong with Italy." Germany pursed his lips along with Romano's concerned gaze with Spain frowning pretty hard, America and England shocked at this new development as Japan sighed. "I think he might be over tired. Hallucinating." He paused then, brown eyes hesitant before Romano stepped forward, despite Spain's rebuking hand on his shoulder and his hazel eyes hardened on the Asian Nation as his jaw clenched a few times, rhythmic almost for a moments. Then he took a breath through his nose and shoved Spain's hand off his shoulder as his hands curled into fists at his side when chose to speak then. 

"So what you're saying is my brother is fucking crazy. That he's insane? He's going mad?" Romano demanded as his hazel eyes burned hotly, angrily, making Japan hesitant once more when Romano then shoved his hands through his hair and blew out a breath and then threw his hands out so suddenly it startled the other four people in the room. "Veneziano is not crazy!" 

"Roma..." Spain lifted his hand to touch the Italian's shoulder when the silence had grown too long and he felt forced to break it when Romano jerked away violently. Like a wild animal when cornered and he spun on his own lover, on Spain, with fire in his hazel irises with enough heat they could be mistaken as green. Romano's jaw was clenched tightly when he looked at Japan, then Spain and even England with his teeth grinding lightly as he then straightened his back, threw his shoulders back and held his head up. 

"He isn't fucking crazy. I know Italy, I know Feliciano, he isn't fucking crazy.Sure, he was dissociate and quiet when Holy Rome fell but who could fucking blame him?" Romano demanded as his eyes burned, like he was getting too angry for words to express and that fire then burned in his eyes. "But my brother, Italy, is not fucking crazy! He's just...he might be over tired but that's it! He. Is. Not. Crazy!" Romano practically shrieked the four words at the end as he slapped his hands together, as if underlining his words while he shrieked them but his eyes looked hot but strangely wet. "Veni is not crazy." 

"Romano!" Spain shouted when the Italian swept from the room rather dramatically but a few others were still reeling from Romano's outburst. Romano ignored Spain's words as he rushed down the hall to the large entry way and running up the stairs, his eyes flames still when he passed a mirror but he felt his nails digging into his palms like needle pain sending it to run up his nerves that begged him to stop doing what he was doing but he rushed down he hall. 

He noticed his brother's bedroom door taking a large pull of air into his lungs as he walked to the door knocking softly but firmly on the wood listening to someone shuffling around in the room when he walked into the room looking at his younger brother who turned his head as though surprised someone existed outside of the room when he smiled softly. Italy both looked like hell but also perfectly fine to Romano, the bags under his eyes were just a soft dusting of blue that hadn't been there an hour or so ago, his eyes were glassy and his lips formed only a soft weak smile as he looked at Romano who felt like shaking his brother and stopping whatever the hell this was. He walked across the room, aware he was moving cautiously and Italy must have noticed for he got this sad look on his face and in his eyes that made Romano feel strangely guilty when he paused just steps from the bed. 

"Are you okay, Veni?" Romano asked then while Italy fidgeted and he looked at the gauze decorating his knuckles and he frowned softly. "Do you wanna tell me what actually happened. I know you don't do this, you're not violent and I know you don't do what's been happening. You're sweet, you're kind and even idiotic, but you're not what they see you as. You're lucky it's me having to say it but I know there's more going on right now for you and you need to tell me so I can maybe help. Look around in history see if it happened to anyone else. Okay? You can trust me." 

Italy looked down, quieter and more solemn that Romano had ever seen him be, and Italy stared down intensely. He rubbed his fingers over the blanket an then picked at his nails softly, his gaze dark and he couldn't help but want to stare at anything that wasn't his brother and it was for a very simple reason and it's why he didn't speak to Japan. Since meeting with that Luciano Vargas, even a few hours ago, he'd felt this ugly pulsing thing moving through his veins like a black snake that was itching his hands to reach out and strangle, to just hurt, and his head felt heavy and fuzzy like he was in a thick fog when he finally dragged his eyes to his brother who was staring at him in, shockingly, concern that reflected in his eyes even if his face was a mask of impatience. "I don't want too." 

"You don't want too?" Romano demanded tilting his head with a 'what the fuck' expression on his face that he'd mastered from a young age and Italy squeezed his hands together tightly when his brother stepped closer again and he shut his eyes. It was like static was slowly filling his head, his ears, making it hard to even hear his brother's words over it and his stomach coiled tightly when his hands throbbed, it seemed, and felt his muscles tightening uncontrollably and he felt tears heavy behind his eyes. He wanted to shriek at Romano to stay away, scared he was going to hurt him, but he couldn't find energy to speak and get them out. "I'm your older brother! You always tell me all the stupid shit you do whether I wanna know or not! Why now is it the time you don't fucking talking to me?" 

"I just can't!" Italy shouted then with an edge in his voice that had never been there and he stared at the sheets trying to keep his breath calm and squish the urge to leap across the bed and hurt Romano. He wanted to be alone when the static rested up to a  crescendo making him cry out gripping his hair, trembling gently and twitching when he heard Romano shouting for the others to get up there and he wanted to shriek for him not too when Romano got close. Too close.

Romano reached out to touch his brother, who sat bent over trembling and twitching sporadically, almost like he was trying to rip out of his flesh and it honestly made Romano unnerved at the sight of this. He let his gaze flick to the door, hearing voices coming closer but it seemed that split second was what triggered it when Italy pounced like a wild animal. Romano's hands flew up gripping his wrists when Italy's hands closed over his throat squeezing tightly, hard, with no mercy when Romano's eyes closed for a moment before forcing them open in a squint when he caught sight of his brother's eyes and nearly stopped breathing. Instead of those glazed gold irises he saw moments ago these were sharp, gleeful and sparkling with enjoyment and the color was a bright, glowing magenta and a twisted formed over Italy's lips when Romano gagged when his tiny air supply ran out and black twitched at the corners of his vision.

He didn't think he'd die but he felt very close to fainting, he was sure that'd happen, and he didn't know what this magenta eyed person would do when he was out cold and he reached up digging his nails into Italy's neck but that did nothing it seemed and only added more joy. He was gasping openly, the black getting thicker and spreading over his vision giving him a literal straw sized vision quality as he then turned his hand into a fist, pulled back and with his last burst of energy slammed his knuckles into his brother's face making him wail. His hands loosened when the wail turned into a blood curling screech as Italy's tears came gushing down and Romano's vision came back and he was mesmerized then at the sight before him. Italy was twitching, hard, jerking like he was going to run or like before, try to rip himself from his flesh and his eyes flashed like neon lights before Romano's eyes. Gold. Magenta. Gold. Magenta. Gold. Magenta. Over and over as Italy's lips parted with fast breathes that promised a panic attack. 

"F-Fratell-llo." Italy choked as his twitching turning into shaking with his hands gripped his hair again and he looked like he was going to collapse like a card house before him."Romano, he-help me! Help me! Help me! Help me! Help me!  _Help me! Help me! Help me! Help me!_ " Romano felt chills going down his spine at the shrieked words and the tears gushing down Italy's face hard and the gold eyed male stumbled backwards eyes wide and scanning for something that Romano couldn't see when the door burst open. Spain's eyes zeroed on Romano and the bruises already forming on his neck and his green eyes sharpened. 

"Toni! It's okay, I'm okay!" Romano shouted quickly more than sure Spain could very easily hurt Italy right then, especially the hard look he had in his eyes that Romano recognized from Spain's pirate days. He pushed himself up then stepped to Italy who jerked away, the tears seeming to fill his eyes and fall fast in small drops that sped down his face and he was shaking hard, trying to breath normal from what he could tell when he held his hand out to Italy. "Veni, come on. Calm down. I'll help you, I promise, I'll help just calm down!" 

"I-I-I-i-I-" Italy stuttered as he shook hard, his words not coming out looking at his hand when Romano stepped closer and with a burst of pure fear he found his feet moving to the window pressing himself hard against it making a tiny groan lift from the wooden frame and legs looked ready to give out. "You-You-You ca-can't help! No-No one can! He'll ge-get what he wants and I can-can't stop him. I won't le-let him get in easily, though. I pr-promise and there's on-only way to do that." Romano's eyes quickly widened when he opened his mouth in horror noting the widening of five other pairs when Italy brought out a knife that glinted wickedly in the light. He noted the animal glint when Spain shifted close and before Romano could scream what was about to happen, knowing too well what his brother was going to do and with that simple shift the knife flashed in the light. 

It was like the air was sucked out of the room for a moment at that flash, no one daring to breath as lungs tightened and time seemed to pause for a moment and then, like it was the trigger to get everything going again, blood bubbled and gushed down Italy's arm quickly. It rolled down fast, parting in three thick lines dripping down in perfect scarlet droplets onto the floor and Italy's eyes cleared for a few moments and it was like seeing the bubbly, happy Italy of before when those eyes dulled lightly and Italy quickly lifted knife slicing into his arm quicker, deeper, causing blood to gush down his arm like a waterfall and stain the edge of the knife as blood dripped quickly causing a puddle and he'd just turned the knife to his shaking hand and began the same treatment of the other arm, deeply, before Germany broke through the horror of the growing blood puddle, the paling of his lover. He ran forward, Italy getting in three slices of his right arm when Germany slapped the bloodied knife out of his hand and Italy shrieked reaching for the knife hat slid over by Romano's feet, a little line of blood forming from the angle of which it slid and Italy walked quickly forward only to slip in the puddle, pain throbbing up his arms as tears gushed down his face. 

He no longer felt like hurting his family, his friends, his lover, and et his body hurt from the fall as the chilling blood soaked up by the top of his thigh and the hem of his shirt when Germany was then squatting wrapping Italy's arms in the pillow cases he'd ripped off the pillow and the cuts throbbed, shrieking and Italy gasped and faintly heard the noise. The blood was still dripping quickly and it soaked onto the cases quickly, staining the white pillow cases scarlet and Italy raised a hand up rubbing the tears there leaving blood smudges there and looked at Germany with wide eyes that were clear, for the first time in since he fainted in the World Meeting. 

"Germany." Italy whispered while pure pain crawled over his face, tears welling and Germany felt his heart clench tightly in his chest. His Italy, his Feliciano, was staring at him right now and he felt strangely like sobbing something he hadn't done since he got separated by his brother. He stroked Italy's hair softly and cupped the left side of his face, away from the blood smudges on the right side, and he stroked his lovers cheek bone softly where the tears slithered down over his thumb no matter how much he wiped them away. "Luddy, I'm scared. I'm scared. Help me, please. Please help me. I don't know how to keep him out. Please, help me, Luddy." 

Germany hugged his bleeding lover, the pillow cases quickly soaking through and he heard the ambulance siren as he hugged the nation tightly who kept his arms by his side and he was aware of something hot slithering down his own cheek. "Don't vorry, sveetheart. I'll make sure you get help. I promise." How could his sweet lover, perfectly fine on Sunday, decline so suddenly in just two days? Is this how insanity worked? It just kicked in one day and continued getting worse? Germany held the limp Italian tighter as tears slithered down his face, making him embarrassed, but in all his time as a Nation, as the Personification of Germany, he couldn't remember a time when he was more terrified about losing anything than he was right now. And he felt, deep inside with a horrible feeling, that he was going to lose Italy, sooner or later, and it scared the absolute hell out of him. 


End file.
